Log in

No account? Create an account
10 February 2016 @ 10:32 pm
I ripped my gloves off my hands and stormed out of the operating room. I could feel Derek following me, but I avoided eye contact as we both stood at the sink scrubbing out.

“Listen..Meredith, it wasn’t my fault. I did everything I could do”, he said as his gaze looked down toward his feet.

“It was an appendectomy Shepherd, an appendectomy, they teach you these things the first day of med school!” I screamed. I was livid. It was tough enough to lose a patient in a risky surgery, but this rarely happened in simple procedures such as this one.

I took a minute to pause. I had to collect myself. I was supposed to be in charge after all..anything that my interns messed up was because of my poor teaching.

“You know what, I’m sorry. I should have known it was too early to let you do this procedure on your own.” I told him. Now all that was left was the hardest part of it all, talking to the patients family.

“I’m going to let you talk to the family Derek. You may have thought surgery was hard, but think again if you don’t think this will be harder”, I said.

“Meredith I am so sorry” Derek said. It was clear this was the first patient he had lost.

“Don’t tell that to me..tell it to them” I said, preparing him for what was about to happen.

We made our way from the operating room to the waiting room in silence. When we arrived I saw a cluster of his family members in the corner. They sat at the table playing cards and laughing together, probably waiting for the news that their son, brother, or cousin was pain free without a bursting appendix. They didn’t realize that their world was about to change.

I felt bad making Derek break the news, but this was part of being a surgeon. You had days where there were huge successes, and then you had days like this one.

An eager plump woman with red cheeks came rushing up to Derek and I. She had a smile on her face as if she were about to receive good news.

“How is he doing?!” She asked. “When can we see him? Did he say anything funny after the anethstesia? He’s always been a jokester!” she laughed as she bombarded us with questions.

Derek’s face was stone cold. Not only did he looked sad, but I sensed a hint of anger in his eyes.

“Ma’am, I know you thought that this would be a simple procedure, and it usually is. However, with every surgery there is risk. I am so sorry, we did everything we could, but your son did not make it out of the procedure”, he told her.
I watched tears form in her eyes as Derek told her that her 17 year old son had died. Derek looked back at me as if he was asking what he should do next. I averted eye contact, mumbled a sorry, and backed away from the scene as Derek followed.

I went straight for the nearby stairwell. I needed to get home. This had been one of the longest days of my career. It is especially tough to lose a young patient, and feel like you had messed up at your job, which today was to teach Derek how to perform successfully in surgery.

I was about to head upstairs to the attendings lounge when I heard the door slam behind me.

I turned around to see who it was. Oh god. It was him, but this time instead of looking scared and sad, he just looked angry.

“How could you make me do that?!” He screamed at me.

“Derek…” I said, trying to calm him down.

“You know I wasn’t ready for that! I mean did you see her?! How the fuck are you supposed to tell somebody their teenage son is dead, and it’s all your fault!” he ranted. At this point I don’t even know if he was mad at me, or just freaked out by the situation. But I didn’t really care. Now I was mad. Did he really think he could speak to me this way?

“Doctor Shepherd! I am your attending! I don’t care if I’m your girlfriend or you’re my boyfriend or whatever we are. When we’re at work, I am your boss, and you are going to speak to me as such,” I barked at him.

He had calmed down a little. I saw tears forming in his eyes. I knew how he felt. When I lost my first patient I didn’t know how to react. But if he thought I was going to give him preferential treatment just because of our history, he was very wrong.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” he repeated as he slid his back down the wall to sit on the floor. I sat down next to him.

I didn’t say anything. We sat in silence until it felt like we could talk again.

“What do you say we get out of here and grab a drink at Joes?” I asked him. God knows we both needed one.

Tonight we would go to Joes, have a few drinks, and act like a normal couple. But tomorrow, once we were back within the walls of Seattle-Grace Hospital, I would be an attending, and all her would be is my intern.
04 August 2014 @ 05:27 pm
{a multi-fandom friending meme}
Would love to see some Grey's fans there :)
25 July 2014 @ 12:20 pm

See more here @
27 September 2013 @ 01:24 am
What were your thoughts about the season premiere tonight?

Season 10 Premiere DiscussionCollapse )

Image and video hosting by TinyPic

Zip link(s) here (free registration required)
31 August 2013 @ 03:07 pm

 [ 04 ] Grey's Anatomy.


check them all here @ hurts_my_soul

01 August 2013 @ 03:57 pm

 [ 4 ] Grey's Anatomy.


check them all @ hurts_my_soul

22 February 2013 @ 09:44 pm

Meredith and Jackson both grew up in Boston. Is there fic about this?

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.